Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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