I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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