you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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