You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
