I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
