I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
