I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
