So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
