I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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