I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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