I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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