It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
