You're completely useless in the revolution.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
