the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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