my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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