I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
