just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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