I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
