im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
