hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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