North Korea, Best Korea!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
