I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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