Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
