Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
