Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
lol hangovers are for mortals.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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