I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i already hear my dad disowning me
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
so much tequila, so little girl.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
