i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
