i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
