i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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