i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
