She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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