fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
you never un-have a 4some
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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