at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
