News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
