Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
