Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
