Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
