Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
