Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
