Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
