Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
