True but thats because hes a fetus.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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