One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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