If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
you made out with another girl for some wings
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
