So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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