OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
