He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
