I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
