i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Randomize
