no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
